Friday, April 24, 2009

Road Kill, or how I learned to stop worrying and love the Deer Meat!

I got home last night with just enough time to squeeze in a 2 hour loop of pain north of town on the the roads. Everything went fine for the first half hour. As I crested the top of a long hill on Pettis out in the bucolic hamlet of Ada I noticed 5 or 6 does sprinting through a field (er..I mean McMansion subdivision). Up ahead a minivan, driver with cell-phone glued to her ear, was cruising along in the opposing lane, oblivious to the small herd.

I had just enough time to realize that I was going to witness a massacre, but no time to react.

The first doe made it across the road unscathed. The second was not so lucky. It went headlong into the front quarter panel. Then it arced up up into the air like a que ball bouncing off a break. Just when I started to realize that it's trajectory had radically changed, the airborne sack of venison steaks smashed into my left side.


Somehow, I managed NOT to crash. It glanced off my hip and shoulder, winged me, and ended up in the ditch in a twitching pile, about 50 feet from where it met it's end.

I quickly circled around to check on the driver of the grocery getter. She had pulled her mangled Chrysler Town & Country off to the side of the road. "Are you OK?" I shouted into her now open driver's side door. I had to repeat myself twice. She was still on her phone! Continuing on with some inane conversation. Apparently something was more pressing than the fact that she just totalled her car. She gave me a dirty look and said, "what do YOU want?"

"That deer that you hit flew through the air and hit me."

Without even acknowledging what I said she continued on with gossip session on her Crackberry.

The world is full of Stupid People and most of them have a cell phone stuck up their ass.